This is the BBC home service.

Sorry for the radio silence. I’ve been far too busy procrastinating, learning music, attending concerts, going to bars and parties, learning to drink beer, locking myself out of my apartment and breaking my computer to maintain any form of consistent blogging.

Okay, I also got a fancy new smartphone and have spent far too much time playing Angry Birds. But hey. Pigs deserve to die.

I realise that I’ve spent a fairly lengthy amount of time chronicling the absurdity of my life here in The Hague, but have not really detailed what it was that prompted me to move halfway across the world and behave like a twit in the first place. So I am going to try and form some coherent explanation of my views on early music.

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So the Dutch, Portuguese and British walk into a bar…

It is an often mentioned musical curiosity that the three colossi of classical music, Bach, Beethoven and Brahms share the same initial of their surnames. Clearly there is great musical prowess and genius associated with the letter B. So logically, being in possession of the nickname ‘B’, I should be set to establish myself as Emperor of Classical Music in approximately five years. Three if I exert myself.

And where better to begin than with the music of the Great-Granddaddy of Western art music and fellow B-buddy, Bach?

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A day in the life.

Let me take you back into the fog of pre-history. Back to a time before iPhones. Before Mp3 players. Before Dora the Explorer and, if my chronology is correct, even before Nintendo 64.

Let me take you back to my childhood.

When imagination and ingenuity were the only sources of entertainment, there was an activity that kept my tiny little brain entertained for hours. Two circles of paper (both alike in dignity dimension) would be taped to a pencil. On one piece of paper two eyes were drawn. On the other piece of paper, a mouth was drawn. If you held the pencil in front of your face and twirled it really fast, the two images would blur to create a face. If you didn’t twirl fast enough, all you would see was an alternation of two distinct images.

I promise this reminiscence has a purpose.

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